The weather in Holland may have been rainy, cold and perhaps even dreary since the day we arrived last week. As my father-in-law had quipped, it seemed to be a weather fit for funerals.
But, funerals and dreary weathers aside, I relish in the fact that I get to see my kids smiling, laughing and running around with no care in the world. They have been so full of joy and their exuberance, contagious. The air may be chilly and wet outside, yet their spirits are not dampened even though they both have been a little under the weather. I call that resilience.
They both get so fired up; always looking for things in the garden – be it spiders, snails, flowers, or just looking to the neighbours for friends to play with. They are hardly ever disappointed, and Spud now has herself an older sister which she never had.
Watching the kids play outside amidst the clean air and peaceful, safe surrounding has been such a joy. I am comforted that they can adapt well to their environment so easily and are so comfortable in their own skin. Their smiles are priceless; their happiness, genuine. When the sun shines, it shines in their faces and when the wind howls, it howls into their inner child that needed to be comforted with some reassurance that everything would be alright.
Kindred spirit
How time just flies! ten days had seem so short. And while the weather had been a little dreary, the rain is not something I minded so much, and these pictures will certainly bring a smile to my face for many years to come.
By the time this post goes up, we would already be up in the air, heading back to Bangkok. And this time round, my own inner child is needing some assurance that everything will be alright.
Sometime this time last week, we were still up in the air making our way to the Netherlands.
This trip wasn’t planned for, and the reason behind it wasn’t exactly a feel-good kind of thing. The one and only reason for the impromptu travel was to essentially attend the funeral of Silver Bullet’s beloved grandmother who had passed from old age. She was 89 years old.
The initial thought was only for Silver Bullet to take the trip up for a couple of days on his own. But, I thought that since we all knew his grandmother and that his grandfather (as well as his parents) would love to see the kids, I felt that it was appropriate for all of us to go and bid our last goodbyes to the departed. Besides, I had been pulling a 14-hour day for 3 straights weeks at work; I thought that I could do a little breather; a break away from work as well as the stifling Bangkok madness.
While I have been exposed to the traditional, yet under-stated somber Muslim rituals and rites of death prior to burial, I have never actually experienced a formal funeral arrangements prior to cremation; especially one that was considered family. While I sort of know what to expect, my biggest worry was more about how our hyperactive kids would behave at such somber and solemn occasion.
Thankfully, both Spud and Squirt did very well throughout the entire session. Spud seemed to be very aware of the going-ons, asking questions in whispers as she sat on Silver Bullet’s lap. With Squirt on my lap, I managed to keep him busy almost throughout the session with the S-Pen on my Note 3 and then distracting him some more with snacks that he likes. Squirt almost managed to keep his voice down throughout the entire session, and despite the occasional outbursts of questions, he seemed to understand the need to speak in whispers.
One funny thing happened as he got busy with his snacks while he was on my lap: He accidentally dropped a handful of his biscuits balls on the floor and rather audibly went “Oh no!.” As I tried to shush him, I softly told him to pick up the pieces from the floor and put it back into his snack box. He slithered away, ever so slowly from me and then started picking each and every ball, one by one. As soon as he got his last one and dropped it into his snack box, Squirt looked at me, beaming and almost whispering, went, “Ta-daaaaa!.” He had a huge megawatt smile on his face, apparently seemed satisfied with his accomplishment.
I quickly pulled him back towards me, and although I did feel a little embarrassed at the sudden outburst in an otherwise solemn ceremony, I was actually trying my utmost to stop myself from bursting with laughter;. As I looked around the room and whispered apologies to those who met my gaze, I caught sight of people looking adoringly at him, smiling and giggling from where they sat. Ah! The inappropriate antics of a 2 year old are always so easily forgiven.
The experience must have been a little strange for the kids, particularly for Spud who had a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that her great-grandma will now be sleeping “in the box forever”. She, however, had understood that her great-grandma was now gone. May her soul rest in peace.
Our trip back to the Netherlands had also coincided with Silver Bullet parents’ 40th wedding anniversary, a few days after the funeral. In one of a rare occurrence of unplanned timing, it was also the very first time where every family member came together for their anniversary dinner. It was small and intimate. May their marriage lasts for another lifetime more.
My in-laws: Married for 40 years.Silver Bullet’s Opa. He is 90.
For the kids, it was their privilege to be pampered. They did not have to go to school, they get to play all the time and they are constantly showered with attention. They get to be kids.
For us, it was about getting together as a family and being in-tuned with the togetherness that surround us within.
For me, it was getting a little peace of mind; a breath of fresh air…and another step towards the healing of my fatigue, mangled soul.
The frozen fever has long hit our household and several months later, this crazy viral fever has not shown any signs of slowing down. The kids are obsessed with “Let it Go” and Spud has yet to get out of her, “I am Princess Elsa” mode.
We have probably re-played the movie a hundred times over with certain scenes being replayed repeatedly, yet, to-date, I cannot single out a specific time when I have managed to watch the entire movie in a single seating. Having 2 young kids with ants in their pants do that to you, I guess.
Nevertheless, I have come to a conclusion that I like Anna and Olaf the best. Anna for her feistiness and rebellious streak; Olaf for his hair-brained ways that never fail to put a silly grin on y face. I bet that the script writers must have had a blast working on Olaf!
Spud without a doubt, like every other kid I know, loves Elsa. She has since developed an obsession with wearing only long, flowy dresses and tries really hard to re-enact Elsa’s singing scenes by walking really, really slow and running around the house while trying to freeze everything in her way as she sings her heart out.
As much as I rolled my eyeballs (this time to the back of my throat!) at the thought of her being too girly as she mimics a princessy demeanour, and what I thought to be a senseless desire to dress up like a princess, specifically, trying to be Elsa, I cannot help but smile at her antics. In fact, I find comfort and joy that little things like that makes her so happy as she gets lost in her own little world. It has been an eye-opener to watch her exercise her creative mind built on fantasy.
The last time we had her first ever costume party was during her birthday celebration. I saw her face lighted up like a Christmas tree as she donned on the costumes temporarily provided by one of my mommy friend and the delight plastered all over her face was priceless. She was really, really happy to play dress-up with her friends, immersing herself in the camaraderie and conquering her world of imagination.
I felt like I was being drawn into her world and I think I surprised myself most when I succumbed to the unimaginable temptation of buying Spud an Elsa dress that she can call her own. I started with something mild and nothing too elaborate; a very simplified version of an Elsa dress that could be passed off as a dress for every other day. It turned out to be something she would want to wear every day.
As days go by and as more variation of Elsa dresses emerged in a make-shift market of my office building, I found myself magnetized by the sheer elegance of these hand-made, pretty little dresses. Dresses that would give lots of joy to a 4-year-old, and suddenly, I felt that instead of resisting every single girly stuff there is, I want (and I should!) be the enabler of the little joys in Spud’s four year old heart. Besides, at 350 baht, the dresses were far from expensive!
I ended up buying her first full-blown Elsa dress which she absolutely loves, with the condition that she can only wear the dress when she is at home or when she has a play date. At the suggestion of one mom who suggested a dress-up play date, I then ended up buying one dress a week over several weeks (they never have the same sizes of the same design, and every design has some variation of difference) so they can all play dress-up together.
One mom came equipped with marshmallows, chewy jellies as well as chocolate chips to make Olaf for the kids at the play date. All 3 girls were dressed up to the nine with their blue Frozen dresses, and taking turns to try on each other’s costumes. The kids baked, ate a lot of sugary stuff and went a little crazy singing “Let it Go” as they watched the movie. It was such a delight watching the kids play and it also became a very nice catch-up session with the Moms.
I still think it is ridiculous for her to be wearing the dress out in public, but I have surprised myself for even allowing myself to indulge her in something I once have a huge resistance for.
That being said, if there is one thing I have learnt from that entire episode of my transitioning mindset, it was learning to “let it go”. To let things be, to let the joys of innocence take over and me being present to be the enabler of a little child’s creative process rather than resisting the inevitable.
I am a parent and I am still learning. This has been a revelation.
