My heart ached today. It was filled with resentment, anger, exasperation and deep-seated frustrations all combined that I feel like I just want to give up, walk away and never coming back.
Not the kind of feelings a mother should ever have under any circumstances.
Then, as I trolled away on Life to Her Years and as if on cue, I stumbled on this:
It wasn’t my intention to bastardise the original version, but it spoke to me as much as it speaks to the Dads out there.
The posting did me in.The lump in my throat wouldn’t go away. Walking out is a choice I’m not ever going to make as I have every intention to stay in her life – whether she likes it or not. My only worry is that I might just screw up and it will all be my fault because I let me get the better of me. And I can’t find someone else to blame.
I am reminded of what I once wrote in an open letter when Spud turned 3: that a child forgives easily; as when I thought that I have ruined it all, she’ll let me try again so I can be a better parent.
Reading that post from Life to her Years felt like a coincidental wake-up call, and, as grave as a slap on the face for my much undignified conscience. Yet, the words could not be more powerful and beautifully put together to super-charge a pent-up emotion.
Found a new do-over favourite from one of my recipe books that’s really simple to make if pressed for time. True to my little recipe modification obsession, I have been pleasantly surprised that it turned out great. It’s hearty, it’s moist, it’s crispy on the outside and creamy on the inside and one that has become an instant hit for the family.
*3-4 slices of smoked turkey (or beef pastrami), cubed
2 leeks, sliced
*1 yellow onion, cubed
2 tbsp multi-purpose flour
1.5 cups low-fat milk
*half cup condensed milk
*1 tbsp Dijon mustard
1 tbsp mustard seed powder
2 tbsp chopped fresh sage
*1 tspn thyme
225g filo dough
Salt and pepper
Instructions
Preheat oven to 180 degree Celsius. Cook the potato cubes in boiling water for 5 minutes. Drain and set aside
Melt 5 tablespoons of butter in a skillet. Caramelise the onions, then cook the chicken cubes for 5 minutes until they are browned all over.
Add leek , cubed smoked turkey slices and cook, stirring for 3 minutes. Add in the flour and stir constantly for 1 minute. Gradually add in the milk and bring to a boil
Add mustard, sage and potato cubes, reduce heat and simmer or 10 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper
Meanwhile, line a deep pie dish with half the sheets of filo dough. Spoon the filling into the dish and cover with one sheet of dough. Brush the dough with a little of the melted butter and lay another sheet on top. Brush this sheet with more melted butter.
Cut the remaining filo dough into strips and fold them on top of the pie to create a ruffle effect. Brush the strips with the remaining melted butter and cook in the pre-heated oven for 45 minutes or until golden brown
Serve hot.
Notes
The original recipe used 2 cups of full-fat milk. It also included mushrooms, but I have omitted that as I am not a big fan of mushrooms. Those denote in * are my own add-ons
Something caught my eye as we passed by one of our usual landmark buildings when I was walking Spud to school one morning. It was almost too easy to miss, but somehow, the unusual silhouette I caught from the corner of my eyes stopped me right in my tracks. I got curious and did a small detour to check it out.
It was a lone moth…a beautiful, big moth the size of an adult palm. It had perched itself on the glass door, oblivious to its surrounding. It didn’t fly away when we approached it. It just stood still. My sense was that it probably was reaching towards the end of its life and was just trying to find a place to rest…although a glass door by the side of a busy road might seem a little strange a place for that!
Spud was a little bit wary of its presence, but she was curious and thought that it was a pretty little “butterfly”. We said hello, examined it real close with our bare eyes, admired its pretty wings, took a picture, said bye and then went on our merry way as we continued to speculate what would happen to the moth.
A day like this reminds me on how easy it is to miss all the little things around us; something which we tend to forget as we get caught up in the pursuit of bigger and larger things in life. Yet, it is exactly little things like this that make us remember how to smile.
Sometimes, it doesn’t really take too much of an effort and we don’t really have to try too hard to find something beautiful to smile about. I hope you can find little things to smile about today,
