[WARNING: THIS POST COMES WITH PROFANITIES. SKIP IT IF YOU FEEL YOU ARE GOING TO BE OFFENDED BY IT]
It’s that time of the year again where resolutions from last year are being accounted for, and new resolutions continue to be made yet again. That’s not typically me. N’UHH! I just…have never been one of those to make any New Year resolution. Just.Because.
But. I am one of those who like to close the year with some reflection. Lots of reflection – to account for where I have been, where I am at and where I am going. It is the time of the year when I ponder, I deliberate, I contemplate and I reminisce to understand my life in rewind and then trying to live it forward.
2014 has been one of my darkest years yet. It has been a monster of some roller-coaster ride as I found myself sink into the deepest and darkest abyss of purgatory wretchedness. It’s like I have been to hell and back, only to be condemned by the inferno of viscerous affliction while grasping for air as I try to make sense of my world, living in a nightmare.
This year, I have been on a journey. A journey so vicious and so tumultuous that it was hard to separate the woods from the trees. A journey so obnoxious, so disgraceful, so despairingly unexpected that it sucked the life out of me. A journey so sickeningly cruel and despicable that I question the virtue of fellow human species. A journey where my sense of being has taken several punishing, under-handed blows as I have stupidly played down my inner gut in my bid to uphold trust. A journey of pain, turmoil, deceit, betrayal and hate, and one that taught me that it doesn’t always pay to be too kind. A journey I do not wish upon anyone in this lifetime.
It has been a long, hard road and one that accelerated my life experiences and inner wisdom than I could have ever imagined. I experienced a deep-seated anger and loathing that I never thought I could harbour, yet in the process, I learnt about courage, strength, compassion and resilience more than I ever thought was possible. The learning curve was steep and if I thought strength of character is always about how much I can handle before I break, I never realise that strength of character is also about how much one can handle after being broken.
And I have been broken. Torn apart. Shredded. Mangled. Steam-rolled.
But, this is not a cry for help. Neither is it a sob story. Rather, this earmarks a personal memorandum; a signpost of a crossing in my personal life journey which I never want to go back to, and reminding me of how far I have come along.
In my world, Karma exists. It is not something I would recommend anyone to mess with Karma and its tidings; especially the very owner of a very malicious soul whose existence I am very aware of and am directing this message to.
Until then, my spirit is alive, ready to fight head-on. Thanks to all this experience, I have emerged stronger and I cannot be broken. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. I curse you and your life till the end of time and I curse your self-entitled, low, despicable life form whose existence has been nothing but a disgrace to the human race. Other than that, I wish you well with all the karma you have bestowed upon your drudgery good-self.
The slope I have been allotted to has been pretty slippery, and the experience has certainly changed me. It has changed the outlook I have of life, of people, of trust and of respect. I am still on the mend, trying hard to heal, trying not to stay stuck, and with it, an acquired wisdom beckons.
At a very personal level, 2014 has been quite the year of rude awakening for me. Never before have I been in such an urgency to close the year, wanting so badly for the nightmare to end. Despite what happened, I am reminded that I have other things to be thankful for as I am blessed that I still have a supportive, dedicated husband, two very beautiful, healthy rambunctious kids, 3 crazy cats tearing our house apart – without which, there’ll be no joy, as well as a decent career that keeps my mind sharp and one that takes me to places.
On top of that, I have you dear readers to thank for. Thank you for stopping by my site and tolerate my ramblings that are sometimes filled with profanities. Thank you for being a part of Grubbs ‘n Critter and I don’t think I can ever thank you enough for being on this journey with me.
2014 has been a year of reckoning, and as it finally comes to a close, let us all banish negativity away. Let us invite only good energies to encapsulate our lives, surging us ahead to reach for that light at the end of the tunnel. If like me, you have had a bad patch in your life, I hope you find the strength to move onward and forward…for the hardest part about moving forward, is not looking back.