Grubbs n Critters

December 7, 2011

16 months update

Spud’s ~~exactly~~ almost 1.5 years old today and, while it is a good 8 months away from that Terrible Two age, she has already exhibited some signs that she is ready to take on the world — which essentially is us, her parents!

Last weekend for instance, she has been nothing but defiant. Apart from more teething (all of the molars are starting to pop now) which could have contributed to her shabby mood, she has been throwing temper tantrums, whining and whinging away, saying “No” (in context) to just about everything or refusing to do as she was told. When she did not get her way, she screams her head off as if she has just been tortured by the evil witches.

Looking at it, I cannot believe that these temperaments are coming from a one and half year old toddler!

Given my (lack of) patience these days, and the sheer fact of how much I hate, hate, hate whiners – adults, kids and cats alike, it just makes me want to yell at the top of my lungs while screaming my own head off with a “Shut the f&%## up!”

That being said, I am also extremely petrified of me that I would not be able to cope as Spud continues to stretch her boundaries and push her limits.

It is times like those when I do look forward to Mondays and going back to work in my even-crazier office. Times like those when I am convinced that I could never be a full-time mother ever. Times like those when I question my ability to ever be able to flourish as a good parent.

In trying to discipline Spud, I sorely need to remind myself that the best discipline tool I can have to help with her development will be my own self-discipline. That means, I need to keep calm when Spud acts up, and keeping my own frustrations in check. (Very, extremely hard, mind you!)

I.need.to.remember.to.breathe.

And I need to remember that Spud is just a kid trying to learn her way of being and gain her independence. All she needs at this stage is for her crazy, stressed-out mother not to act up when she does. After all, a mother knows how to handle everything right? (Or, in my case, if all else fails, at least just pretend that I know how to handle everything and be the one IN control!)

But all those frustrations and my whining aside of how terribly terrible Spud has been, each day I remind myself to count my blessings for Spud being healthy and normal (although I still sometimes wonder, because she is so hyper-active!).

Her nasty temper tantrums aside, l do feel like this is probably one of the most joyful time to be with her. While we consider her a rather late-bloomer in learning how to wave bye (she mastered the wave at 15+ months when most babies are already able to do that at 1 year old), she certainly is interacting better with us.

She waves her byes in her little funny waves, and I just love to hear her voice when she says “bye”. She sorts of drags it (byyyyyyyeeeee) and she says it in a sing-song, but soft tone, a tone that makes my heart melt.

She is now almost conditioned to say bye whenever she sees us leave for work, or if someone says bye to her or when we put her to bed. She also says it when she has enough of something (usually prolonged kisses!) which usually comes with “OK” and then followed by a long and draggy bye. A tone which sounded as if she is chasing us away!

It also has been quite endearing to hear her say “more” when she wants more of something that she likes. When it comes to food, let me tell you I cannot be happier when she starts mouthing off “more, more”; and that is not very often!

My favourite moment of the day is still seeing Spud darting and crashing towards me as she flashes her brilliant smile to me the moment I walk through the door when I come home from work. I look forward to getting such a welcome every day, and it makes me forget all the crap I have to deal at work, especially when I have a bad day.

Experiencing Spud like that is just so exquisite.

Our little imp is growing up. And little Spud, has indeed, single-handedly changed our outlook of life. It is hard to believe that 1.5 years has passed us by just like that…

The making of a bully

Category: Being Parents

While at the Funarium – a 2000-sq.m. facility of playground for toddlers and kids (a review for another post) tucked away in Soi 26 – the other day, I witnessed a not-so-nice incident as I was minding Spud.

What I observed was this:

Two boys of about the same age (my guess is about 4-5 years old) were both fighting over some sort of a boxing-like cushion. One of the boys, let’s call him A, had roughly snatched the object in question away from another child (let’s call him child B, and perhaps just slightly younger than Child A), causing Child B to go into a screaming fit.

Child A, meanwhile, after winning the battle by yanking the boxing-cushion away with brute force of an 8-year old, then looked on at Child B with a sneer. In the meantime, the father of Child A, who obviously did nothing to break-up the earlier fight, was slouching away in a corner less than a meter away from his own child, watching the entire fiasco unfold before his very own eyes. With the boxing-cushion in Child A’s hands and a triumphant glow on his face , he then glanced-up to his father, my guess is to get some form of acknowledgment from a person he looks up to. I guess he got what he needed – for as soon as Child A looked up at his father, that man gave his son the Thumbs Up.

Yep. I definitely noticed a big fat thumbs-up alright; which I thought was an appalling sight! For, what I saw was an impressionable child effectively bullying another kid, younger than he was, and there was the father giving the Thumbs Up?! What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

I could feel myself seething with anger, and I really wanted to bitch-slap that man’s face. But I didn’t think that it was my place to say or do anything and I had no right. (Besides, I pretended not to notice). All I could do was looked up to Silver Bullet and rolled my eyes at what I saw. I shook my head in disgust as my first thought trailed to, “this is how a bully is created!”

I darted my eyes around the room, and saw Child B screaming his head off as his father moved towards him. I’m not sure if Child B’s father saw the incident, and if he did, then perhaps, he probably just did not want to make a big deal out of it. After all, I agree that to a certain extent, it probably be a good thing to let the kids sort out their differences themselves rather than parents get involved unless necessary.

I had a sneaking suspicion that perhaps, he had told his son to go play somewhere else after the incident as I never did see Child B anywhere near that horrid father-and-child A again. If I am the parent of Child B, I probably would have done the same. ( i.e by disassociating my child with the bully)

In my mind, that was a classic case of how little bullies grow into big bullies. Each time a bully gets away with his act, which as a child, probably was taught that it was the right thing to do, he is then encouraged to do it again – especially so when he gets a thumbs up, an approval for his bullying.

Moments later, Child A’s father continued interacting with his son, and most of the time, all we could hear was his barking orders to his kid. And I mean real barking, like yelling for his son to do this, do that.Take this to there, and take that to this, and don’t do this and do that instead. The kid was clearly not listening to his instructions and I saw that he was just doing the opposite of what was being told. As I looked on, I saw a few people making a bee-line out of their way. In a way, I kind of feel sorry for the kid.

This was not the first time I witnessed something like that, and I know it will not be my last either.

It makes me sad, this. There already are not very many pleasant people around in this lifetime, and yet there are very well-educated but irresponsible people out there breeding kids teaching their own flesh and brood that it is absolutely okay to be mean and be a bully just so that they feel better about themselves.

I am not about to preach what to do, and what not to do, but I hope, we as parents can make it a priority to not just teach our kids tolerance, but to also teach them the appreciation for other people.

There probably are many kids out there stomping on each other’s heart and while kids bully or kids get bullied can be considered a sad reality to some, it is not a concession of the ways of being in this world. It is too selfish. It just cannot be.

I don’t know what I’ll do if ever I see Spud in such a situation – perhaps I can only figure it out when the time comes. But I do know that I should be able to tell Spud that we don’t have to get along or even like each other, but there is no reason to be mean or feel superior to others. There is no room for bullies in our household.

The scene from Funarium reminded me of a post I blogged about on kids’ mimicry.

Times like this, the reality of us parents being a role model to our kids truly hit home.

Music laggard me

Category: Random

One of the downside of living in Thailand is being out of touch with the music scene. Ask me what is the current #1 song on the charts, and I will for certain not be able to tell you what it is.

It is a bummer that as we don’t quite listen to the local radio stations here simply because:

Most of the stations are localised…meaning only Thai music
And the few and far between English radio stations out here mostly play the annoying Hip-Hop music 95% of the time

I hate to admit this, but my knowledge of music has deteriorated very badly over the years, and considering that I am quite the music buff, I am very ashamed of myself of not being able to keep up! I still live in the music scene of the 70s, 80s, 90s and possibly till about 2005…but after that, I am completely, and absolutely clueless on good, listenable, radio-friendly new songs which hit the air-waves

Alright, alright. I know one can argue that with internet, I’ve got no excuses whatsoever. All I have to do is look it up and bingo! I’ll be able to find what I want. After all, isn’t that how a certain Beiber got discovered?

But that’s not my point. Besides the fact that I cannot stand that Bieber little thing and his silly songs and his hairdo, my point is that I do actually miss that unintentional journey of discovering good music. You know, like when you hear a melody over the good old radio, or if your friends introduced you a new number, and you go, “Oh! I like that song. What’s the title? Who sings it?” And then you immediately start looking for it. Perhaps I’m just old skool, but for me, it is not the same soulful journey like when you discover it by other means versus youtube.

For me, a song consumes your very soul from within and it is something you appreciate better when you listen to it rather than seeing it first. You feel it.

And you feel and you appreciate it through the auditory sensory it gives you even before you see the visual elements to it (aka via music video to satisfy a different sensory need). You know what I mean?

The good old radio used to be my window to the music world, but truly, that window in Thailand plays crap music, and I cannot bear to turn that on dial. Either that, the international music artists don’t really produce good music anymore. Or perhaps, they do produce great music as defined by the masses, but ain’t really the type of music which I can appreciate. Like Lady Gaga…I heard so much about her and her cause, and yet her songs did nothing for me.

Like my sentiments towards blardy Bieber, I don’t really give a crap about Gaga.

So here I am, an old, restless music-deficiency soul, clueless about the new music scene of this generation, would like to seek your help – if you hear any song that is not Hip Hop or Rap or Country music worth raving about, hover them my way and help me discover something new once in a while, will you.