This time, all seemed relaxed, calm and orderly. There was no rush to it and I was prepped up pretty well.  Most important of all, I was not doped up out of my head. I was lucid throughout the entire process and this time round, I did not fight with the Anesthetician. 🙂

In fact, I had one of the most experienced Anesthetician on board (she is 74 years old! When she told us her age, I had a mental image of shivering hands trying to administer epidural on me on my spine and missing the mark!). She was gentle, kind, reassuring and despite her age, still extremely alert, chatty and lucid. She took the time to explain what she was going to do and how it would make me feel. Most of all, she very kindly accommodated to my request of wanting to have Silver Bullet around with me for the entire procedure. Having Silver Bullet with me the entire time was one huge comfort factor to calm my nerves whilst at the operating table – particularly at the point of when she was administering the epidural. 

In no time at all, Dr. Ah-Chai walked in, worked on me and pulled Squirt out.  I was done in no more than 40 minutes before they isolated me into the recovery room for 2 hours. I like the fact that I was completely lucid and alert the entire time, and none of that doped-up feeling nonsense.

The only difference this time was that I barely held Squirt after they pulled him out. And that was only for a few mandatory after-delivery pictures.

After about half an hour of being isolated in the recovery room, I started breaking out in sweat and was feeling so nauseated that I was throwing up almost all of the time – rendering me useless to hold Squirt for his first breastfeeding session while in isolation.

The nausea and vomiting lasted for at least 2 more hours after that; an apparent side effect from the anesthesia. The sweating thing continued for a good 3 days – they came in super hot flushes, especially at night. All I know was that 2 drops of morphine was being used in the epidural and that had caused the side-effects.  The dizziness lasted for at least another day.  All of which I did not experienced in the last C-Sect.

What was different this time round however, was the fact that I regained the feeling to my legs a few hours after the surgery. In the last C-Sect, the feeling in my legs had only returned the next day.  By about 3 pm that same day, I was not feeling any sort of excruciating pain and could also lift myself up in bed – something which I was not able to do in the last surgery, at least not until a few days later.

The IV Drip and the catheter were both removed by noon the next day and within the hour after that, something amazing happened. Despite being a little dizzy still, I could actually move myself from the bed, put both my feet down on the floor and walked that first few crucial steps to the bathroom!

I was beyond relief! What was great about it this time was that before the end of the day, I was already able to walk very, very slowly to the nursery which was about 10-20 meters away from my room.  Quite a feat considering I’ve been cut opened at the abdomen 30 hours prior!

I probably was walking at one-step-a minute-at-a-time, but hey! This was definitely and considerably better than my last C-Sect experience 2 years ago.

4 days after the operation later on a Monday, I was ready to be discharged. And by Monday 4.30 pm, we all went home, with a new baby in tow. 

It has to be said that my experiences with both C-Sects have been on two extremes. Granted, had I not have had such a traumatic experiencewith C-Sect before, I think I would not have believed that recovery would have been so difficult and hard if I were to base it on this experience alone. If it weren’t for my previous experience, I too, would also likely to believe that those who said they a were not able to get on their feet 3 days after the surgery would have been just an exaggeration.

I don’t know what it was that made such a stark difference. The only thing I could think of was the fact that I was a little bit well-prepared mentally and relaxed. On the hindsight, the type of anesthesia used could also play a very important factor as to how the whole thing played out. Who knows!

In any case, everything turned out well. And that, my friends, has been my not-so-amazing-birth-story of all time. 

No going ooooh..and…ahhh of how beautiful it was to have the perfect and beautiful birthing experience. Mine was just straight-off clinical and actually, I’m not so sure if I would even call it birth. Truthfully, it seemed more like an “extraction” of a baby than anything else. 

Whatever that was, it doesn’t matter to me. Whatever the metaphor that was used, birth via cesarean  marks the beginning of a new life.

I am cynical and,  at this point,  I am not actually looking forward to the first 6 months where we’ll yet again be subjected to a whole new world of unpredictability, trying to establish some  routine, breast-feeding, pumping milk, controlled crying, sleep training…and whatever else that comes with it.

Double the joy, double the chaos. Wish us luck.

Well, you see, I am not one of those and I have absolutely none of those amazing crap to tell!

While I was somewhat hoping for a natural delivery this time round, I was also not very adamant about it. With my previous C-Sect history, I felt that the only thing I could do is be realistic about it. In fact, I was honestly not even sure if VBAC was the right option for me.

Given that I had no prior experience to having a natural birth before, I was also very aware of the potential risks and complications that could occur – in my case, natural birthing is the devil I never knew. 

On the other hand, I was also dreading having to go through another procedure of a Caesarean Section as I was only too aware of the aftermath of it. I was certainly not looking forward to another bad experience of being completely disorientated, drugged out and clamber out from a very painful and slow recovery process. 

I find it almost ridiculous and even stressful to impose Squirt’s exit strategy on me (I know, I know..bear with me on this one) If there is an option of having to vomit the baby out, I think I would rather do that.

While minor cramps and random contractions started when I was about 38 weeks, they were all just a tease. I was not showing any signs that real labour was imminent at all. My doctor, Ah-Chai, was kind enough to advise that I should wait up to 40 weeks (and not more than 41) to give it some more time.

In fact, at 40 weeks on my last check-up, my doctor revealed that my cervix was still tightly closed.

The baby was not engaged and I would have to give it at least another week to see if my cervix would have ripened by then.

With such a situation presented to me, we then thought that we’ll wait it out for a couple more days but still schedule in a date for a C-Sect to be done.

2 nights passed, and still nothing happened. Somehow,  deep in my heart, I felt that scheduling for a C-Sect was the right thing to do.

It was not a case of “I’m done being pregnant” like last time, rather, it was more that I did not want to have to go through days and days of passive labour, being induced and then only to arrive at the conclusion that I needed an emergency c-sect at the end of it all.

While I know that every pregnancy can be different, I was also not counting on my body co-operating very well. At 40 weeks, it was showing signs that history was likely to repeat itself.

One thing for sure, I did not want to end the pregnancy with a post-partum blues. I wanted to save my sanity. A natural birth is not a be all, end all. While I am an advocate of most things being natural, and as much as I would like to pursue all things natural, I think I am more respectful of the fact that sometimes, intervention is necessary to minimize potential complications.

So having been at the end of the line, I made a decision to go for an elective c-sect.

I have been told by a few women acquaintances this, “Every women needs to experience labour pain and child birth. Your body knows what it is doing, so don’t always believe what the doctor says!”.

Truly, I thought that was a rather unfair statement to make., especially the bit about experiencing labour pain and child birth. Maybe there is no need to have to go through such pain. Not all women are made equal; some are just lucky to have it naturally, and in my case, not so much especially so if my body decides not to co-operate.

Regardless of the “exit strategy” one undertakes for a child to be delivered into this world, what matter most is that both mother and child are both healthy. That in itself is already a call for celebration.

In a way, I also cannot imagine myself being pregnant for another week longer! And, for me, given the circumstances, going for C-Sect seemed like it was the right thing to do.

My not-so-amazing-birth story coming up in the next few days to come link here.