Looking back, we literally had no point of reference or guidance when we became new parents. There were no midwives or day-time nurse who would come to check on us and how the baby is doing. (Apparently, new parents get such support in Holland free of charge. Isn’t that just amazing?) There were no handbook of tips and tricks dished out to us on how to handle a new, bawling baby.

Apart from our parents who are a hundred miles away, there were no SOS emergency numbers to call to ask the most stupidest question. It was literally just us; and in the daytime, us and the nanny. Google was, and still IS, our best friend.

It is all almost a blur now, but I recall the frustrating, sleepless nights we went through in trying to sooth a wailing baby for hours and hours on end. Some nights, it will take us more than 3 hours straight before Spud would calm down. The next thing we knew, the sun has risen and we barely had some sleep before the entire cycle started again.

The fact is, babies cry. That certainly is a fact of life, since it is their only form of communication. What we don’t know is how much we should let them cry. Depending on the school of thought one subscribes to, crying it out is easily one of the most emotionally confusing and polarized issues for new parents like us.

That is, until a friend from Holland, who are parents themselves, shared the 10-Minute Rule with us.

The 10-Minute Rule basically is a form of controlled crying where the baby is allowed to cry for 10 minutes. This is done only after we ensure that she has been fed and no longer hungry, has had a change of fresh diaper, has been burped, no fever or any stomach issues. Then we let her cry, as we will then know she is just being whiny. At the same time, we do keep our eyes on the clock like a hawk; for 10 minutes can feel much longer than it actually is. If she continues crying, it is usually one of the lists.

You have NO IDEA how that little tip changed our lives! It makes our lives so much easier and once we attend to that, Spud will usually settle herself within the 10 minutes time-frame. As silly as it may sound, both Silver Bullet and I could finally have a sit-down dinner at the dining table. T.O.G.E.T.H.E.R! Believe it or not, that was something which we weren’t able to do since we became parents!

From then on, we spent many an evening having dinner by the baby monitor. Most times, the first 10 minutes at the start of our dinner will be accompanied by her cries and lullaby. It was more bearable as all ear-blasting, nerve-wrecking effect were promptly toned down by the baby monitor. Not the most ideal background music for dinner, but it certainly was better than nothing.

We now swear by the 10-Minute Rule, for without it, our own mental health and well-being will suffer as a result of sleep deprivation. It is most useful at night as it helps us distinguish the real cries from the whiny ones. That rule is truly god-sent. It literally saved us our sanity. We no longer feel as exasperated at the slightest sound of her cries. It really is one of the best tips we have received so far since we became parents.

We now let her cry it out, but within reasons. Honestly, I don’t think she will love us any less in the morning.

Intrusive is how I feel about having a nanny around the house 10 hours a day, 5x a week.

I know, I know…a nanny or domestic help at home is supposed to be part of the family, and, like most people, I am supposed to feel that way for everyone’s benefit, especially Spud’s. But, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t help but feel like I have just welcomed an intruder into our lives.

You see, I’ve been somewhat a wreck these days. Not that I have not been out of the house, but it probably stemmed from spending too much time at home, with the constant presence of our nanny during my maternity leave.

It came as a rude realisation to me that I have never been alone with my daughter in our own home since my discharge from the hospital. As far as I can recall, the Nanny has always been around to help out since she was born.

Having a nanny, while is a blessing especially during the early days of my recovery, can also be a curse. While I appreciate the fact that a lot of the household chores get done, I don’t really like it when the nanny tries to take over minding Spud when I am around.

I mean, of course I understand that it is her primary responsibility, since we hired her to take care of Spud in the first place (mainly for when I get back to work). However, I was beginning to resent the fact that she is always the first to get to Spud each time she cries or is always, always there for Spud within seconds as much as we hear a tiny yelp from that little imp. When I told her ‘I got this’, she would linger about me, watching me, in case I need help. I know she has had experience with babies before and I am only the inexperienced new mom. While I believe her intention is all good, it somehow made me feel incompetent. I did not like the feeling one bit. Most of all, I don’t want Spud to have a stronger attachment to her and that I am only known as the one with the boob-for-food to Spud. Sometimes, there is also a conflict in how we see things. For instance, while I think it is OK to let Spud cry out once in a while, I don’t think she has it in her to let a baby cry at all; not even for a minute. Call it a power struggle if you will, but it was enough to drive me crazy!

Screw the household chores for a few days, but I figured I have every right to have the entire apartment to myself. I needed that few days alone with Spud, not to test my sanity, but rather to see how I’d cope on my own. Most importantly, to get to know my daughter better as I relish on self-mastery and the ability to figure things out on my own. I want to do things my way without being afraid that I’m being judged because there is another person in the house, looking over my shoulder all the time. I just needed to do this.

So I told the Nanny not to come for a few days last week. I psyched myself that I’ll probably face hell without help abound, but I was adamant that I can cope, regardless how demanding Spud may be.

While I came out of the ordeal unscathed, I admit it was trying, especially when you have 3 cats running around testing your patience at the same time. Figuring her out was not easy, but it was not impossible. If anything, I managed to take the world’s record shower! I am actually looking forward to a few more “us-days” before I go back to work. During those alone days, I managed to untangle a few knots between us, smoothing the creases as we go along.

She gave me her first “ah-goo-goo”.

She focuses her attention on me while squealing in delight.

She flashes me her toothless grins.

She threw me her coy but vivacious laughter, where no one else have heard but me.

And then I realised that I have fallen in love.