Grubbs n Critters

January 11, 2013

An iPhone contract

This article about an iPhone contract written by a mother for her 13 year old son got me in stitches. I am shamelessly cutting and pasting the 18 clause she outlined here:

It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest?
I will always know the password
If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad.” Not ever.
Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30 p.m. every school night and every weekend night at 9:00 p.m. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30 a.m. If you would not make a call to someone’s land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.
If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.
Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.
No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person — preferably me or your father.
Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else’s private parts. Don’t laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear — including a bad reputation.
Don’t take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO (fear of missing out).
Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.
You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

I have to say though, I don’t quite understand why people had negative comments about the writer being draconian and mean, and whatever else. This is just brilliantly written in my opinion – a humorous, tongue-in-cheek sort of way, but with a “don’t mess with me because I am your mother and I am teaching you to be responsible” undertone.

These are all sound advice and I like the last one the best. That being said, I don’t think I would have to use any of these on my kids simply because I am such a tight-wad – they would not have the luxury of owning any iPhones!

Original article can be found here.

Resolution and being stupid

Category: Random

It has now been more than a week since the first day of 2013 and most people I met are asking or telling me what their resolution(s) for the year is (are). Good for them I’d say.

Me? I have none; I gave up making one more than a decade ago, simply because I could never be bothered to follow through any of it. They (resolutions) usually sound pretty damn good on 31^st December, and come 1^st Jan, they lose all meaning, I lose all steam and then think it is the most stupidest thing I could ever think of.

Above all, I (really do!) think resolutions are just bullshit – I mean, if you have made up your mind to do something, just go do it – find the necessary time if you have to, but just start working on it regardless the time of the year. Hell – if I made up my mind to bake at 10 pm, I’ll do it regardless! That does not mean that I’ll start baking at 10 pm every day.

Resolutions are nothing but a self-fulfilling prophecy. Realise that they can be detrimental to your health as you would have kindly set yourself up for failure if you don’t achieve the goals you purposefully set with full-on determination. If you do achieve those goals, I’d say, good on you. And if you take yourself too seriously, well…don’t. Life is too short for that.

Just because I stopped making resolutions for the new year does not mean that I stopped wanting to improve myself altogether. Au contraire. There are things that I would want to do, but I’d prefer to space them out and not be bound by them in black and white imprints. I don’t want to stress myself out unnecessarily.

In the years that passed me by, I have learnt to relax and let-go better. I am happier when I am able to laugh at myself. I love self-deprecating humour and I have no issues laughing at myself. I have no ego whatsoever and maybe, that’s just my doom. But that’s OK, because the only way I can learn is knowing that I can be entitled to sometimes feel comfortably stupid.

The one who stayed behind

Category: Being Parents

When Silver Bullet told me that he was due to start travelling for business again about a month ago and that he was leaving on a Sunday, it dawned on me that since Squirt was born, I have never ever actually been left alone with the kids.

The thought of being left to my own devices with a usually cranky, highly spirited, unpredictable 2.5 year old toddler and now a rather mobile 7-ish month old crawling baby stressed me. It would be the first time, on a Sunday where I would have to mind 2 kids by myself, plus another 5 days of managing morning chaos to get everyone ready before I head out for work.

All by myself.

Brilliant. Perfect. Big yikes.

My only consolation to myself is that if the Nanny can do it, damn it! So can I! So with a big fat sigh, I accepted the challenge rather apprehensively, mostly unsure of myself and feeling extreme anxiousness if I could step up to such a draining task. Although I know that I have the option of asking the Nanny in to help out, I figured this is just something which I would just have to deal with sooner or later…

So I did just that. I survived the first Sunday of being alone at home, juggling 2 kids without losing my mind. Spud has, to her credit, been rather well behaved. The only drama I had was when she woke up from her nap – wailing bloody murder and, in the process startled Squirt and woke him up as well. Spud hardly ever wakes up from her nap pleasant – she is somehow, always crying her head off as if she has been tortured. This time she had wet herself as well and that sent her off on another tangent.

Suddenly I had 2 wailing kids – both needing attention at the same time. I had to let Squirt cry in his cot while I changed Spud, calmed her down and then changed her bed sheets as quickly as I can before I picked up Squirt. They both stopped crying within 5 minutes.

The rest of the Sunday was pretty pleasant despite Squirt being a little crankier than usual. My hands were full with Squirt refusing to stay in his play pen and Spud getting into trouble.

With Squirt’s ability to crawl and by now, able pull himself to a stand (very wobbly!), he needed to be supervised all the time. And, even under very close supervision, he fell backwards and hit the floor flat on his back (cripes!!!) right under my nose. While I was actually there in front of him, I was on the wrong side and was just a little distracted when he decided to reach out to a small table of his height and instantly let go, fell backwards and so, I could not dive to him in time to prevent him from falling. It was his first major tumble so far.

He cried, but not inconsolable. He did fall quite hard, but the foam mat we had on the floor was a big saviour. He calmed down within seconds, and come to think of it, he cried a lot harder when left alone in his play-pen, preferring to be carried for most of the time.

I managed to juggle dinner and bath time for the both of them, and by 6pm, I had both of them in front of the TV – mesmerized by Alice in Wonderland. It was such an endearing sight to watch them sitting together quietly in full concentration for 5 full minutes.