We parents with children sometimes complain too much about how terrible our kids are and what a pain in the ass they can be. I know, I am one of them.
While complaining, rolling our eyeballs, huffing and puffing away, we sometimes forget that despite their less than ideal behavior, they are healthy little critters who probably are just too rambunctious for their own good. We tend to forget that despite the inconvenience, other parents could have it far worse than us. We become myopic as it eludes us that other parents are struggling beyond just toddlers’ temper tantrums and that they would much rather deal with healthy temper tantrums as opposed to the predicament they are in, especially so when their kids are being singled out for being different.
An article I tumbled upon a while back has inspired me to write this, and I have spent a great deal of time thinking, mulling, editing and re-editing to put my thoughts out there as this isn’t an easy topic to broach. It is something I do think about off-the-calf, every now and then, whenever I see a parent with a child who happens to be just a little different.
How often do you look away, pretending not to notice because you don’t want to end up staring? Or how often do you find yourself staring away anyway, at a family with a child whom stood out differently from yours? And, how would you react if your child innocently asks questions pointedly or make awkward remarks which you have no control of?
Having witnessed people cringing away or flashed their stares awkwardly to the point of being rude or worse ignoring their kids when they make fun of other kids that are physically different, I shuddered at their reaction. Perhaps there hasn’t been any self-awareness and whatever their reasons were, it wasn’t a pretty sight.
Since then, I have always wondered what the right thing to do is and, what would be the best way to acknowledge the situation such that I don’t come across as a parent who is insensitive, callous or worse, appeared mean. The last thing I want to do is consciously isolate the child or the family, and in the deepest depth of my heart, I want to reach out and I want my kids to learn that they can be friends with people who are different than they are. Yet I find it a constant internal struggle as to how we should behave appropriately because I do not want to unknowingly offend the parents or hurt the child should we reach out. Are we then seen as trying too hard or would they think that we do it out of pity?
For me, I have been conscious to the point of being seriously afraid that I might unintentionally offend the parents if I seem to “try too hard” to reach out. My biggest problem is really, apart from offering my smile, I simply just do not know how else to “behave” so to speak. By that virtue, I have been very inept as a parent to let my child learn to do the right thing and that would be horrible!
If, like me, you are struggling with the same, there’s a message from one parent to people like us. It is a message she hopes everyone reads and shares; a message applicable to all parents and children who are made fun of and singled out for their difference.
Here’s the enlightening excerpt of the message from her article:
Please, come introduce yourself and ask my child’s name. I assure you, we don’t bite! My child is just like yours; he can be sweet, loving, throw temper tantrums, and be a handful. And I assure you, I am just like you; I am a parent learning my way through this.
If your child is curious and doesn’t say anything mean but still notices he looks different, please, introduce yourself to us, ask us our names! Include my child in your world. I promise you, he’s not scary, he’s just a little boy.
To all the parents and children out there who already practice this, and to those who have purposely made a point to brighten Jameson’s day when we have crossed paths: Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I can honestly tell you I can remember vividly each encounter where a stranger has made a conscious effort to want to know Jameson and include him in their world. And I can bet he does too. My 6-year-old amazes me when I hear him recount a memory from when he was 3 years old, so I am sure Jameson remembers the same.
The original article can be found here.
It was one of the most insightful story I have ever read on this matter. Silly as it may sound, to hear those words coming out from the horse’s mouth has indeed brought a whole new meaning for my sometimes misplaced E.Q. I am forever thankful for such outright honesty of what I’m calling it as genuine, inclusive compassion.
By that virtue, I hope that most, if not all parents functioning under similar circumstances would share how else clueless parents like me could reach out to your child, not intrude, and be able to include him or her in our world; and us into yours. We all could learn a lot from you.
My plea is that I hope you don’t mind us. We’ll remember to introduce ourselves to you the next time our paths cross; if you would have us.
Please share your thoughts, and please, spread the word. There is nothing more priceless than being a able to make a child smile.
