“Can I sleep with you tonight?”

I teasingly asked Spud as I crawled into her bed for our nightly ritual chat at bedtime.

Without blinking an eye, she would look at me as if I am crazy, and then proceeded to tell me,

“Noooo. You have your own bed. You share your bed with Papa. This is MY bed.”

I had to laugh when I hear her reply. In a way, it wasn’t the kind of response I would have expected. I mean, what kid doesn’t like to sleep and snuggle up with her mommy. Apparently, mine does!

As I digested what she said, and in my head, I immediately conjured up the stories I have heard from other mothers who are complaining that their kids would not get out of their bed; or mothers who still love sleeping together with their kids. And then, there’s me here and I have a child who:

1. has blatantly refused to allow me to sleep in HER bed at any time of the night
2. tells ME OFF by telling me that I should be sleeping in my own bed!

Oh! I could feel the knife being jabbed right through my heart, alright.

While I can’t help but felt a little slighted (really, what kind of kid doesn’t like to be close to her mom again?), I guess in way, I can’t blame her for that. After all, thanks to us, she has unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on the school of thoughts you subscribe to) been conditioned from such a young age that we don’t share beds.

By that virtue, I do feel a little torn between being a little disappointed that perhaps we would never be able to sleep next to each other, to actually feeling proud of her strong independence and feeling so secure at such a young age.

Although it’s great that Spud has a very clear sense of ownership, and that her bedtime routine provides us with much freedom, I do sometimes think it would be really nice to snuggle up and fall asleep together as I lull her to sleep in my arms again. But I guess, that’s not something that Spud would allow to happen anytime soon.

On the other hand, looking at how much Spud travels in her sleep or the funky movements she does as she tries to fall asleep, I am pretty convinced that we are better off sleeping in our own beds if we are really gunning for a good night’s sleep.

I mean, really, I am truly fine with the way things are now. Yes, really, really, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

It’s just that, sometimes, just SOMETIMES,  I do have my moments of wanting to fall asleep next to her if and when she allows me to. Especially after being kicked out by a 3-year-old from her bed.