If I thought September was one hell of a crazy month, October out-did the crazy chart to completely, utterly insane. So bad was my October that it took me weeks before I could even find the time to log-in into my dashboard. In fact, if I hadn’t schedule any posts prior, I think there would have been ZILCH blog entry for October at all. Still, that was 3 more posts published as compared to September – thanks to advance scheduling; although, overall, I’m not too happy for neglecting my blog for such a long time.
October did me in with extremely brutal work hours. Not only did the 16-hour work day extended to 18, my work days had continued till the weekends, both Saturday AND Sunday for 3 weeks straight, clocking in at least a 12-hour day. It was full-on intensity. It was beyond insanity. And really, who in their right minds would work that goddamn crazy hours, you ask. Without over-time pay, too.
Apparently, I am that crazy person. I had to be involved in all that shit and it wasn’t voluntary. If that wasn’t enough, I had to go on a business trip to Singapore the week before. With work keeping me away from my family for several months now, I felt so guilty for not spending time with them that I decided that they should join me for that trip. At least the kids get to see their grandparents. And I almost had to cancel the trip because some crazy shit sprung up with one the most confusing and manic projects I have ever gotten involved in throughout my entire career. (I couldn’t in the end because the trip had been scheduled and paid for and we could not change the tickets we bought separately for Silver Bullet and the kids)
It would be easy for people to ask me the whys and to say no to all that crap, but really… if only things are THAT simple. The world is full of crazy people and shit. Try explaining THAT.
No, I am not proud of it. And no, I am not a superwoman. The stress has been so overwhelmingly intense that I was barely coping. With severe sleep deprivation and sheer exhaustion, I have started to feel like I am burning out. Wait. What am I saying? I know the symptoms too well. I AM burnt-out. So burnt out that when we left Bangkok for Singapore that week, I had a complete “tech-meltdown” where I could not even think of going near my laptop and turning it on after shutting it down at 4 a.m. prior to our flight.
It must have been a record: I did not turn on my laptop for 6 straight days on my business trip. Never happened before. Twitter was minimal for me. Seeing mails after mails drained me. Facebook didn’t appeal to me. The sight of my laptop made me want to vomit. I could not stand looking at it even when I know I had work to do, and the only time I touched it was to stuff it back into my backpack when I started shifting things around inside it.
I had wanted to blog, to join the linkys, read other blogs and comments; I really do…and my brain was doing all of that. I SEE myself doing all of that in my head. Only, my body could not will itself to do it. I have been a complete write-off. I sat on the couch and I doze off in seconds. I walk and I talk and I can’t remember shit. I walk to the fridge with something in mind, opened it and stared at it for a good 5 minutes trying to remember what it was I needed. I can’t remember things and words take ages to get into my piddly little brain. I walk around in daze.
It felt like my soul sort of just floated away. Ever felt like your soul floats away? Not good!
That was my “tech-meltdown” week. I had a sudden involuntary tech-detox; if there is ever such a thing.
That was the reason why I haven’t been reading your pieces, join any of your linkys and leaving you comments like I usually do. And when we got back to Bangkok last Friday evening, I managed to catch up with some delayed comments to reply to (which perked me up a little! thank you!) , but felt too exhausted to pop by the neighbours (so sorry!). That was made worse when I was called in back to the office on both Saturday and Sunday last weekend till late that needed my attention for a looming deadline. Yesterday, I ended my day at 3.
Nope. I haven’t gotten my rest. The rest of the week ain’t looking good, but I’m still gunning for our Monthly Mystery Munchies to happen. I’ll be able to know tomorrow . I’m stubborn that way. The thought of not being able to get back to blogging pisses me off to bits, but tonight… tonight, I just needed to write. My head is telling me to schedule posts, and for now, that has to wait as I do want to catch up on some zzzzs; a little beauty rest if you will.
One thing is for sure though: I’ll definitely get around to reading your posts from the last few weeks and responding to the comments you left me. Soon.