September 28, 2009

At what point is this acceptable?

[Warning: A rather lenghty blog post]

I just had to post this here when I saw Barcajax’s post of a couple caught on camera as the Girl attacked the guy in the groin over and over. That’s not all, she also slapped him again and again as the guy just stood opposite her, and get this: He did nothing!

Not knowing the context of this incident could easily spark off speculations and inaccurate assumptions of the “whys”- something I’m not going to be analysing about. However, based on the visual facts alone, I would say that such behaviour, especially that of the girl, and in no uncertain circumstances, is acceptable. I am simply appalled by the behaviour of the “fairer sex” featured here. That doesn’t mean I feel sorry for the guy though. In fact, I’m questioning as to why the hell he just stood there and take in all the abuse. In a wide open space accessible to members of the public too! Insane.

Now, I’m not a relationship expert and I don’t pretend to be one, either. There could be a lot of excuses for the guy or the girl in question as to why she did what she did or as to why he reacted the way he did. There is however, always an option to walk away from the misery, the abuse, the unfairness and whatever it is in the relationship that makes either party extremely unhappy. No one, and I mean NO ONE should subject him/herself in such an abusive (physical/emotional/mental) relationship, no matter how much “love” have been professed to each other. To me, there’s simply no respect in this couple’s relationship and that just spells disaster. I can only imagine things going much, much worse behind their closed bedroom doors.

I can understand there’s a fair amount of work that needs to be done to keep a relationship going. This, however, has to be mutual as both parties will have to want to do it because you do it because you want to, and it makes both of you happy and there’s an end benefit for both parties. However, if the effort taken to salvage a relationship far outweighs the benefits in trying to keep your sanity and especially if it devalues your self-worth and dignity, then perhaps the relationship is not worth the save. The one worth saving is yourself.

My hope is for those who are in bad relationships will eventually find the courage to walk away, let go and never look back. That’s the best gift anyone can give to him/herself when your heart is in constant turmoil. Even if the couple has similar personalities, the relationship is pretty much doomed right from the beginning, if there’s no trust, honesty, respect, communication and the sharing of similar values and outlook in life.

There is no point in staying in a bad relationship if you cannot feel the happiness you deserve to feel in whatever circumstances. Walk away and look beyond short-term “happiness”. Perhaps its easier said than done. I am, afterall a logical person when it comes to relationshp and love. Matters of the heart is always a tricky one but there’s no doubt in my mind that the work towards building true happiness in a relationship should almost be effortless.

If the other person truly, deepy loves you, the last thing he/she will deliberately do is to hurt you emotinally, physically or financially and making your life a living hell while you try to put up with it because of your undying dutiful, love. In fact, it’s the contrary. That’s what I meant when I said true happiness should almost be effortless from both parties and you don’t speculate (in your mind) about what the other party will be up to in the next hour whether you are together or not.

Whatever it is, I truly do believe there’s always the right someone for everyone eventually. That doesn’t mean one has to just “settle” with whatever one gets and subject your life to a miserable existence. Life is a journey…

…and Alanis Morissette is spot on with her You Live lyrics.

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