May 11, 2012

So done being nice!

I came home on a Friday late afternoon in a pretty good mood; happy after a surprisingly unexpected, but pleasant outcome of a meeting which I expected to end with a “no”.  I could feel myself bouncing in delight and was looking forward to a good weekend.

After a quick hello kiss to Spud and being my friendly self to the Nanny, I decided that I was going to go for a quick shower whilst Spud was being fed her dinner. 
While showering, I realized 3 of the usual things in my bathroom were missing – my  precious treatment conditioner and my shampoo  (both of which I had hauled back from my hairdresser in Singapore) as well as my feminine cleanser,  were not where they usually are. My shower gel and another type of shampoo were still where they belonged.
I search high and low for them in the bathroom, but could not seem to figure out where they were. Thinking about it, there was no way I could have misplaced them and I was left in a puzzled-mind  throughout my shower.  I decided I was going to ask my Nanny about it, thinking that perhaps she may have placed it somewhere while cleaning the bathroom. 
Now this is where I got annoyed. Royally, pissed-off annoyed!
When I asked her about it, she, in jest (and giggling too!)  told me that oh! She has put them in herbathroom and used them because her shampoo is finished.
Oh? Really? Fucking really?
You should have seen my face. It turned black in a spit second and I immediately raised my voice with a , “YOU WHAT?!” I literally flew off the handle. 
What do you mean her shampoo is finished? And since when did the guest bathroom become HER bathroom? 
And I KNOW for a fact that in that bathroom, there is still a leftover bottle of shampoo, a shower gel as well as a FEW tubes of conditioner. Why would she suddenly see the need to use MY stuff? And guess what! without my permission too!
So, NO –  I did not take that too well. I know it is just a shampoo and conditioner and some feminine wash for crying out loud. (whoever shares feminine wash?!) Not only those things are expensive, and apart from the feminine wash, I actually cannot get them in Bangkok. But that is not the point. The point is that she does not have any right to use ANY of my stuff without my permission. For fuck’s sake, I even ask permission if I can please take a sanitary pad from my own mother!
There and then, I immediately let her know that I was none too pleased. In fact, I told her off that under no circumstances can she ever use my stuff again without my permission. I then proceeded to tell her off in her face that I DO NOT LIKE HER USING MY STUFF.  She did apologize, but the damage was done and I was fuming. 
I don’t care if she just wants to prettify herself because it is her birthday and that she wants to look her best. She, THE NANNY, needs to know her place and that I do not tolerate such behaviour.   
Perhaps we have been too nice to her. and at this juncture, I’m thinking that sometimes, it does not pay to be kind.   
While we do keep an employer-employee relationship and maintained our distance, we have been very nice to her. We even granted her request to take Monday off despite it being a working day for us because it is her birthday and Silver Bullet agreed to stay home to mind Spud.
You treat them as a deserving human being and then they take advantage of your kindness.  3 hours later after that incident, I was still pissed off. I almost did not want to give her birthday present which I bought for her before I got home.  
So much for showing kindness!  You give a finger, and she takes the arm. What she did was effectively betrayed my trust. Of course it is easy for people to say that I may have over-reacted. After all, she was only using my shampoo, conditioner and feminine wash right? Small things. Negligible.Right?
WRONG! Like I said it was not about using my stuff, but rather about the fact that she just took my stuff without asking for my permission prior and treated herself to my things as her right.
And you know what? It sparked off even worse thoughts  as with this incident, I can’t help but be suspicious of what else has she done that I did not know of or what other sneaky stunt she will pull afterwards.
I know this seems a bit far-fetched given that she has been a fairly decent nanny to Spud, but I can’t help but wonder as it begs the question of to what extent is my daughter safe under her care?
This incident shattered my trust big time, and she’d have to try very hard to gain that back again. One thing for sure, I’m not going to be so kind anymore.  7 hours later, I am still frickin’ fuming. I am so livid that I can’t sleep!
And oh! Did I ever tell you that I can bear quite a grudge?! And that unfortunately I am unconsciously finding excuses to nitpick on her for one slightest mistake?
So I over-react. And so be bloody it. And you know what? I am so done being nice here.

[Actually partly ranting away on this space here so that I can get it off my system,in the hope that I’ll be able to get over this pissy mode, move on and stop dwelling on it!]

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