March is almost, if not already at the half-way point and in the last week, Spring seems to be making its mark just a tad earlier. Its presence is duly felt.
Wild flowers are seen to be sprouting on the road side, the trees are budding again, the sun is out and the temperatures are rising. What is more telling of winter being gone is the fact that daylight has started to last longer again.
These days, it is all bright before 7 a.m. This continues on till after 6 p.m.
Somehow I kind of miss the early morning darkness when we leave the house to drop the kids off at daycare. I don’t know what it is, but there is just something about leaving the house when it was still dark.
Perhaps it’s the sheer fact of being able to see all the stars brightly plastered on the black canvas as we were about to get on our day made it so.
Or just the big, bad moon shedding its light to an otherwise pitch black surrounding.
Or perhaps, it’s the silence all around that makes the early morning dash a little less rushed.
All because now that it gets brighter earlier, I’m perpetually thinking that we are running late!
The last week+ has been kind of crazy. Between the long commute, the hours spent in the office as well as having to burn my weekends working, I hardly have any time take a peak on my blog. Add the constant state of perennial confusion during office hours into the mix, the state of being can’t be more emotionally draining.
Halfway into March and I have only managed a few published posts so far. While time (or the lack of it) has been a big factor, there also has been a case of me having no more space to think in my head. It isn’t a writer’s block per se, rather I find it really hard to articulate the thoughts I have inside my head to turn them into a half-decent, coherent post.
It felt like my mind feels hollow yet full. It’s like words, feelings and emotions are all set adrift and hovering like a halo of flies over my piddly little brain, but those thoughts have been hard to swat and grab.
I wonder why that is. I wonder if I’m even making sense…because for the life of me, I’m not so sure I’m making sense any more!
It feels like a lifetime ago since I started working in a new country and a new organisation, but the truth is, it has only been slightly over 3 months since I started working full-time. 3 months of utter chaos and confusion despite me being hopeful and staying positive as I try to keep an open mind about everything.
Sometimes that works, most times not. By now, I’m feeling like my energy is slowly sapping away. Every day, a small part of me sorts of dissipated as I feel like I’m being sponged off my thoughts, my fire and my spirit.
There is no work-life balance. There is just no balance. And it has been hard to keep up.
Deep within me, I’m hoping for a small miracle. A little respite…a faint guiding light just enough to loosen up that tightness I feel in my gut. To find that balance and a purpose to re-ignite back the passion I once have for the work that I do, paving the way for the under-dogs to shine as they should. It is just not about who shouts the loudest.
May this spring brings about good tidings that restores the right balance in positive karmic proportion. Meantime, wouldn’t you agree that this sluggish feeling just has to go pronto!